Beginning to see through the fog of whatever the fuck I was in.

Ever since I cut off talking to my ex, things have seemed a lot clearer. I am finally able to focus on the here and now of living in Canada and trying to do the things I set out to do here, instead of continuously being wrapped up in thinking about going back to Korea, thinking about what could have been, what I could have done to make the relationship work, wondering if I was making tons of wrong decisions. Over analyzing things is just a terrible quality to have.

But anyway. Now its time to work on my absolutely soul-crushing procrastination tendencies. Not even tendencies, a way of life really. It seems like I have an actual block in mind when it comes to getting things completed. I still haven’t really found out what it is that motivates me. Money I guess, the only thing that I seem to be excelling at these days is my part-time job. I started working a few shifts for a marketing company, and did a one-time promo thing for another. I haven’t actually been able to sell anything, but I have been getting good reviews from the owners of the stores I was working in. So thats good for the ol confidence. Something is going well.

I do sometimes think about the stuff I’m promoting and wonder if I am doing the right thing. These cellphones and cars are not the stuff that the world needs to buy more of or produce more of. The things that we need to produce for a more sustainable and healthy world don’t have these heavy advertising budgets that I can easily get paid to promote. Those industries need to struggle on their own to get recognition. I’m hoping that the skills I learn from these jobs will be able to transfer over when I get a job promoting something good in the world.

Schoolwork, on the other hand, is struggling. The self-motivation that needs to be in place to complete distance education courses is just not present in me. I need to get over myself and just do it. Its so easy to read advice and know that its good advice and then just never put it into action in your own life.

Things I need to work on:

– Not worrying about looking stupid

– Not being afraid to ask for help

– Not being afraid of doing the wrong thing

All of these are super straight forward things to do with your life. What is my problem? Im worried about the people in my online classes and what they will think about my contribution to the damn message board discussions? My thoughts aren’t good enough? Maybe they won’t be life-altering musings, but at least they will be something that furthers my own knowledge. Helps me be a better communicator, etc. GET OVER MYSELF.

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2 Responses to Beginning to see through the fog of whatever the fuck I was in.

  1. Excellent, and very well-written. Hard not to doubt yourself, hard not to be negative. But it’s usually a waste of time.

  2. Great .. i appreciate you.!! All the best.

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